Red Flag: Healthy Relations

Office of Diversity & Equity


Healthy & Unhealthy Relations: How to Tell Them Apart

A Relationship is Healthy When

You trust your partner.

You treat each other the way you want to be treated, and accept each other’s opinions and interests.

You each feel physically safe in the relationship.

Your partner likes your friends and encourages you to spend time with them and wants to include them in his/her life as well as yours.

You make important decisions together.

Your partner understands when you spend time away from him or her.

You don’t feel responsible for protecting your partner’s reputation or for covering for his/her mistakes.

Your partner encourages you to enjoy different activities (like joining the volleyball team or football team, running for student government, or being in a play) and helps you reach your goals.

Your partner likes you for who you are - not just for what you look like.

You are not afraid to say what you think and why you think that way. You like to hear how your partner thinks, and don’t always have to agree.

You have both a friendship and a physical attraction.

You don’t have to be with your partner 24/7.

Your partner doesn’t force sexual activity or insist that you do something that makes you uncomfortable.

What are your rights in a relationship?

To express your opinions and have them be respected

To have your needs be as important as your partner’s needs

To grow as an individual in your own way

To change your mind

To not take responsibility for your partner’s behavior

To not be physically, emotionally, verbally or sexually abused

To break up with or fall out of love with someone and not be threatened

To be intimate in a way that makes you both comfortable and happy. 

Are you being abused?

Are you frightened by your partner’s temper?

Are you afraid to disagree?

Are you constantly apologizing for your partner’s behavior, especially when he or she has treated you badly?

Do you have to justify everything you do, everywhere you go, and everyone you see just to avoid your partner’s anger?

Does your partner put you down, but then tell you that he or she loves you?

Have you ever been hit, kicked, shoved or had things thrown at you?

Do you not see friends or family because of your partner’s jealousy?

Have you ever been forced to have sex?

Are you afraid to break up because your partner has threatened to hurt you or himself or herself?

Has your partner ever threatened your life or the life of someone close to you? 

Are you being abusive?

Do you constantly check up on your partner and accuse her or him of cheating or lying?

Are you extremely jealous or possessive?

Do you have an explosive temper?

Have you hit, kicked, shoved, or thrown things at your partner?

Do you constantly criticize or insult your partner?

Do you become violent when you use drugs or alcohol?

Do you use threats or intimidation to get your way?

Have you ever forced your partner to have sex with you through threats?

Have you ever threatened your partner with physical harm?

Have you threatened to hurt yourself or someone else if your partner breaks up with you?